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Kristin: You mean they're lovers.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Kristin: Wow, uh, anything else I should know?
Ross: Nope, nope, that's it.
(Carol takes off her jacket, her pregnant belly is exposed.)Ross: Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. I always forget that part. (to Carol and Susan) Helloo!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the girls are holding their boyfriend bonfire.]Phoebe: Ok, so now we need, um sage branches and the sacramental wine.Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.Phoebe: Um, that's ok! (throws it in fire) Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.Monica: Can we just start throwing things in?
Phoebe: Ok, yeah, ok. (she throws the directions in) Oh, OK.Rachel: (tossing things in the fire) Ok, Barry's letters. Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.Phoebe: Ok, and I have the, uh receipt for my dinner with Nokululu Oon Ah Ah.Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.Rachel: (looking at picture) Hey he's wearing a sweater.Monica: No.
Rachel and Phoebe: Eww!
Rachel: And here we have the last of Paulo's grappa.Monica: Hey, Rachel, isn't that stuff almost pure...(Rachel throws the alcohol in the fire. A burst of flames shoots up from it.)[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there. Chandler is preparing to dump Janice again.]Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.Chandler: Oh, man. In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.(Janice enters.)
Janice: Hello, funny Valentine.
Chandler: Hi, Just Janice.
Janice: Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker. I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna!
(Janice kisses Joey all over. Chandler smiles.)Joey: (to Chandler) If you don't do it, I will.[Scene: The Chinese Restaurant.]
Ross: So, um, what do you do for a living?
Kristin: Well, um, for the past few years I've been working..(Ross is watching Carol and Susan, not listening to Kristin. Susan gets up, and has to go. Carol is left stranded)...which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.Carol: Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.Susan: I thought they could...I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry. (Ross realizes Kristin was expecting him to laugh, so he starts to laugh hysterically.)Ross: Now that is funny. Hey, do you think...would it be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? 'Cause she's, she's alone now, and pregnant, and, and sad.Kristin: (reluctantly) I guess.
Ross: Are you sure? Great. Carol? Wanna come over and join us?
Carol: Oh, no no no. I'm fine. I'm fine.Ross: Come on. These people'll scooch down. You guys'll scooch, won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on. Come on. Uh, Kristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick. Carol, Kristin. Uh, Carol teaches sixth grade. And, Kristin, Kristin...(struggling)...does something that, funnily enough, wasn't even her major!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, firemen are there to handle the bonfire that got out of control.]Fireman No. 1: What do we got there?
Fireman No. 2: A piece of something: boxer shorts, greeting cards, and what looks like a half-charred picture—Wow, that guy's hairier than the Chief!
Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.Rachel: Really?
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
